lost.....

i have totally lost.....i have lost the aim of my life.... my target.....i have totally no motivation for study now......i wish i could take a rest for 1 or 2 month. escape from everyone. i can't concentrate on my study. i duno wad is the problem coming to me.....
Im lost in someway, i had lost myself....
where am i now?
who am i now?
wad i have done recently doesn't like me...
my life is out of control..... my emotion is getting worst...
people said im smart, im a thinker, i can help myself out...
but told me, after i been through so many thing, i keep helping myself.
but people juz keep pushing me down whenever i climb up.
where is the light??
where is the end of all this problem.
there are new problem everyday, the old probelm havent been solve the new is come,
in the end, all mess up. like a snow ball.
keep getting bigger and bigger.
i don't liek the way i behave now,
i know i should study hard to achieve my dream.
to help epople.
but now i think, i need help than others.
the world is dark..... there is no way out....
scream,
there is no people would heard it.
there is no one understanding me.
people try to help, but they juz duno the way.
im LOST................
some one help me out????

tired...

i think i gonna crazy this 2 week.
i goin clubbing continuously for 3 day,
different place, dance n drink like hell....
summore 7 am than only got home...
crazy life...
thursday zouk,
friday space,
saturday centro...
summore i dance on the bar....
hahhaaha......
hauz, tired....
i goin out for fun, but im not really getting fun.
problem is still there,
try to have another relationship,
but i juz dun hav feeling.
my heart is die from the moment he din pick up my call...
frends asking em why i change my blog to english?
i said i juz wan to let him see,
let him know wad im feeling....
they just shake thier head,
they dun understand......
i trying so hard to jump out of this situation,
try to forget bout him,
try to make my life better,
but i juz coudn't.
just now i taking taxi back home,
than i left my handphone in the car.
how careless am i???
luckily got people pick it, than return to me.
im confuse this afternoon when i receive ur sms.
i dun even believe my eyes when i look at the message.
the sender show his name.
god!!! finally he find me.
he told me to find him at his college,
i wondering how i go to,
but i hav decided, i must settle all the thing.
i take taxi. but later he said i should meet him after 10pm...
my frend juz told me,
forget bout him, he doesn't really care bout u,
if not he won't ask u to come outside alone in the night...
i duno....but i juz hope to see him...

hurt,...

i really what is going on here? what is happen between us?
again, u din reply my sms, din pick up my call.
i just need a explanation from you, is that so hard?
i not wanted your care, or take responsible on me,
but please,
the guy i know firstly is not like that.
i know every people will change,
but atlease, dun lost ur responsibility.

u know how suffer is waiting?
maybe u duno...thats y... u just left me like that...
although now u love another girl
or u can told me u never ever love me,
but atlease is an explanation,
is an answer to me.
release me ok?
set me free?
i know u r not the one who lock me,
i lock myself to u.
but, as a frend or as a girl that u have sex before or as wadever,
please help me out of this situation k?
i really dun like myself keep thinking of u.

i doesn't need u to start a relationship with me or take responsible on what u had done,
i juz need ur explanation.
thats all. k.
i hope u will help me....
run out of this situation.

....

i think my life is getting better.
haha, for 2 week the problem keep on come to me,
let me breathless. but now i learn to take it easy.
because the question had no answer,
so why am i so desperate to find the answer?
juz let it be, the answer will appear in the right time.
i jzu need to be passion and wait.
now i wonder how r u?
the car incident is really bad, hope that u r fine.
worried....
sometime when i thinking of u i wonder did u ever think of me even for a second?
for 1 week since that day u told me u had a car incident u never contact me.
not even a message.
should i keep waiting for u?
i keep asking myself this same question.
im juz afraid that for the time i have spend on u,
will not have a good answer.
but now i decided,
WAIT.
wait n see.
i should believe myself,
i should believe love.
i hope that wad i had done, will never regret me.
hope that u didn't betray me,
hope that u didn't forget bout me.
i would do wad u told me to do,
wait as i love u.

i juz join dance club at my school.
is cool. i learn hip-hop, cheersleading and jazz.
haha, i try to find thing to fill up my time,
so that i won't keep thinking of u.
and i had take the advise from my councellor,
i join the will group and get 1 facilitator to help me catch up my study.
i would put effort this semester to reach my target.
last semester result is really dissapointed me.

whoa, now still got the NSQ event need to worried bout.
is a stress for me. i really not a good leader.
i don't even know wad to do. i'm a passive person,
everything need to wait people to inform me than only i start to do.
haiz, afraid that i would bring down the organization this year...
there is only 30++ people join the camp....
and our target is 400!!!
now is already september.
i really worried alot.......
duno wad to do....

emo..

today i receive ur message when having class....
this is the 1st message u send me since last week u said u need sometime to clear things up....
but y i feel u act like nothing had happen between us??
u never explain y u wan to be alone suddenly for 1 week,
u never told me wad is the thing u wan to clear up,
u never told me y u doesn't feel like talk to anyone for 1 week?
wad happen??
wad is goin on?
i have been miss u for 1 week.
i juz dun understand,
y everything i do, make me think bout u.
my heart keep missing u.
i can't get u out of my mind.
but y am i gettin so emo when u sms me?
i should be happy, gracefull that u not forgettin me.
but y?
y im so emo?? feel hard to breath....
wana cry,
but there has no tears coming out..
wad im concern bout?
afraid to be hurt by u again??
afraid u will do the samething to me again?
maybe...
i doesn't spoke to mom for 2 month,
i really lost my way....
my result r damn rubbish....
my life is all messup
i can't concentrate on my study...
i can't do anything properly...

Finally

Finally, u reply my message.
i wait for this message for so long.
is just 4 days, but for me it is too long to wait the time past.
i think if i attend for the cryin competition sure i can get champion.
i have cry 4 times today.
cryin like a kid....
when i see ur message, my tears juz come out like a water tank....
im such a baby....
y i wan to make myself suffer?
stupid......
should i believe in love???
should i believe ur word toward me???
feel so hard to breath,
heart beat so fast
im scared.
i afraid of being hurt again,
afraid of being alone.
thats why i became so desperate when i can't reach u on phone.
that's why i panic,
duno what to do...
u told me tha tu didn't intend to hurt me
but y i been hurt so deeply??
should i again believe ur promise??
u told me not to lose faith in love,
but told me,
wad had u give me to let me believe in love??
i love u, so i should wait for u???
how long should i wait???
did u love me??
did u ever think of me??
did u care for me??
u need sometime to clear ur mind,
n now i know,
i need sometime to get u off my life!!!
i had enough for all this!!
u never think or care bout me!!
if i really love u then just wait for u???
than wad is the answer of after being waiting??
how could u love me if u doesn't even care for me??
u juz care for urself!!! selfishness!!!!!

Feeling bad....

Feeling really bad!!! Is been 3 day you never pick up my call or reply my sms. im so worried!! keep on asking myself what i worried about? you are not my boyfriend, we are just friend.
but when i lay on my bed the flashback start to begin. what we had been trough together, i start to realize that i had taken u as my boyfriend in my heart. that's why i so worried about u.
i had missed classes for 2 days, wake up early in the morning like losing something in my life, keep look at my phone afraid that i had missed ur call or sms, but is all dissapointed.
Cry everyday in the middle night, thinking why suddenly all thing had change, thingking isit i had been cheated,.
i had regret now, that time when u told me to keep ur clothes i reject. i should take it!! stupid!! now in my hand had nothing to do with our memory. i do listen to u, i never hurt myself this time, but is really suffer, u know when ur heart beat so fast everyday, people will die fast....
i told myself to let go, but i just can't!! i duno what am i holding on with u, but i just can't control to miss u. Damn it!! i hate myself!!!!i hate what im doing now. everyday is meaningless for me now.... @#%@$#! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, HELP ME!!!
i just can't take it anymore!! it's too much for me!!d i can't hate u, i can't do it. the love is too much. i never realise the love i give to u is so much. but please, i just hope u answer my call or reply my sms, let me know what is goin on. don't just left without a word. it make me crazy.......
this few day always sleep at 3am, i just can't sleep.
frend ask me to hang out i reject, i don't want to hang out, just want to stay home, watching my phone, hoping it will ring. how stupid am i??!
they told me im a pretty girl, there still a lot of guy wanted to take care of me, why should i keep thinking of you? i duno, i just can't help to thinking of u. i hate the feeling.
why? why u want to make me feel this bad? what had happen to u?? u would never leave me like that, u said u will always be by myside when i need u. but where r u now??

选择

付出真心，才会得到真心却也可能伤得彻底。
保持距离，就能保护自己却也注定永远寂寞。

现在，我彻底的了解这句话的意识了。
我曾因付出真心而被伤得彻底，
现在为了保护自己而注定寂寞。
但这句话应该调整成：

付出真心，不一定会得到真心却也能伤得彻底。
保持距离，不一定能保护自己却也能注定寂寞。

当你付出真心，别人却保护自己、诸多猜测；
当你保持距离，别人却加以重伤、一派胡言。

到底应该怎么做才会是最好的方法呢？
到底应该怎么做才能得到真心却不受伤呢？
到底应该怎么做可以保护自己又不寂寞呢？

世上没有两全其美的事，
所以我们必须做出选择。

我还在彷徨，
我，应该怎么选呢？

谢谢

我在此非常感谢在我最需要帮助的时候
曾经给与我支持、关怀与鼓励的朋友。
真的非常感谢你们。
要不是你们在我身旁陪伴我，
也许我早已不在人世了。。。

我只是一个笨蛋

事情再一次发生的时候，
我知道我不能再逃避，是时候面对问题了。
但该如何面对？我真的毫无头绪。
恐惧、慌张、失措、接着而来，让我喘不过气。。不知如何是好。。

不想再一个人独自面对这种痛苦，
不想再一个人独自承担这个包袱，
所以我选择告诉你们——朋友。

我想身为朋友的你们在这种时候会给与安慰、支持、鼓励、尊重与体谅
而不是责备、不谅解与怀疑
也许是我太天真了，
或是你们太复杂了。
难道我做错了什么吗？
当我一心一意想得到你们支持的时候，
你们却抱着怀疑的心态。
这就如在我的伤口上洒上一把盐，
几乎让我崩溃了。。。

当我经历着人生中最可怕的事情的时候，
你们却不给与信任，还加以伤害！！
那双重的打击啊，谁人能明白？？
说我心里有问题吗？为了得到别人的关注而偏谎言吗？
最心痛、最伤心的不是那件事的发生，
而是朋友在最需要帮助的时候却给与她不信任与冷言冷语。

是我太迟钝了吗？
我们的友谊何时开始变质了呢？
我们何时开始互相猜疑了呢？
当你不信任我的时候
那，友谊又算什么呢？

从朋友再开始

问心一句，
我一直以为你的好是理所当然的。
但事实证明我错了，
但我的错发现得太迟了。
我们两人都不懂得付出，
爱如何会长久呢？
就让我们从朋友开始吧，
重新去认识对方；
从不同的角度去看待对方。
但你却一直在执著，
不肯放开。
似乎害怕放开后“它”再也不回来了
我们之间也只剩下朋友了，
是这样吗？
害怕我生气
害怕我伤心
害怕我心烦
害怕我难过
而我真心的希望我们能从朋友开始
一切都还有机会回到从前。

长久的爱情

爱有多少，付出也要有多少
爱情不是单行道，
他的好不是理所当然，
生气时，想想他的可爱；
抱怨时，想想他的委屈；
冷战时，想想他的温柔；
两人都懂得付出，爱就会长久.....

Women's Rights from 6 pm to 6 am

曾經與一位律師朋友聊天得知，我們正談論法律和女士的權益問題…律師朋友告訴我一個案：一個年輕的少女被身穿便服的男警察強奸了。當時，少女和男友拿不出駕駛執照，這警察要求少女跟她回警察局，要其男友回家去拿駛照 。途中就載少女到一処偏僻地方，強奸了她。律師朋友清楚說到：其實女士們在傍晚6pm-6am是有權利拒絕任何（男）警察的要求，自己單獨跟隨一或一群（男）警察囘返警局。即使有通緝令，也可以暫時拒絕。除非，當時是被女警逮捕，而且警察局裏的警察人員都是«女警»在當值。又或者，被男警逮捕時有女警在場。否則一概可拒絕。這法律知識對我們很有幫助，以防備下囘有類似事情發生在我們身上、家人朋友身上。因爲很多人對«法律»和«警方程序»的無知，而不幸受害真的很多。
Dear all, Please read and share with your loved one .... IMPORTANT Women's Rights 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. I was talking with a lawyer friend of mine. We were discussing the law and women's rights. She told me about this incident - a young girl was raped by a man posing as a plain clothes officer; he asked her to come to the police station when she and her male friend didn't have a driver's license to show. He sent the boy off to get his license and asked the girl to accompany him to the police station. Took her instead to an isolated area where the horrendous crime was committed. In fact, the law clearly states that between 6 pm and 6 am, a woman has the right to REFUSE to go to the Police Station, even if an arrest warrant has been issued against her... It is a procedural issue that a woman can be arrested between 6 pm and 6 am, ONLY if she is arrested by a woman officer and taken to an ALL WOMEN police station. And if she is arrested by a male officer, it has to be proven that a woman officer was on duty at the time of arrest.

好朋友

真正的好朋友并不是在一起就有聊不完的话题，
而是在一起就算不说话也不会感到尴尬。
冷漠，有时候并不是无情，　　　　
只是一种避免被伤害的工具；
不是对方不在乎你　　　　
而是你把对方看得太重。

至：正在为爱迷惘的朋友

爱的感觉，在一开始觉得很甜蜜，
觉得多一个人陪你、多一个人替你分担，
你不再孤单了，
至少有一个人想著你、爱著你，
但慢慢地你发现了对方的缺点， 於是问题一个接着一个的发生，
你开始觉得烦、累，甚至想要逃避。
很多人以为是因为感情淡了，所以人才会变得懒惰。
其实是人先被惰性征服，所以感情才会变淡的。
爱情是需要适度殷勤灌溉的，
有很多事只是在於你心境的转变罢了！
爱一个人，
要了解，也要开解；
要道歉，也要道谢；
要认错，也要改错；
要体贴，也要体谅；
是接受，而不是忍受；
是宽容，而不是纵容；
是支持，而不是支配；
是慰问，而不是质问；
是倾诉，而不是控诉；
是难忘，而不是遗忘；
是彼此交流，而不是凡事交代；
是为对方默默祈求，
而不是向对方诸多要求；

父母说的就是对的吗？

父母从小教育我们，他们是我们生命中的第一位老师。小时候会遵从父母所说的一切，认为他们说的所有事都是对的。父母亲是我们至亲的亲人，小时候也曾教导我们犯了错就得勇敢认错，知错能改。但当他们犯错时，他们却死要面子，把错的变成对。让我们认为父母做的就是对的!我们做的就是错的!父母说的就是对的吗？对与错的标准又是什么？

不听父母的话就是坏孩子吗？违背父母的意愿是错的吗？做自己喜欢做的事，不理会父母的反对是错的吗？父母常常说这样做也是为了我们好“it's for your own good!".他们却不曾花那么一点时间去了解我们真正需要的是什么，聆听·我们叛逆背后的心声。“小孩不笨”是一部很好的电影，表达了小孩的心声。

我们清楚知道父母不会伤害我们，他们做的一切都是为了我们好。可是父母眼中的好，就真的是对我们好吗？难道我们就不能做自己认为好的事吗？就因为他们是成人，经验比我们多，思想比我们成熟，他们做的就是对的吗？

父母不断的替我们铺路，选择了他们认为对我们好的未来，希望我们能在社会立足，成为有用的人。我们却也拥有梦想，世上没有两全齐美的事情，我们不能满足父母期待的同时完成自己的梦想。也许可以尽量达成平衡，可最后却两样都做不好。那么我们应该选择自己的梦想还是完成父母的期盼呢？父母所做的决定就是最好的吗？

我的过去

四岁那年父亲离开了我们，说是去做生意多赚点钱养家，但从此只有在农历新年才可以见到他。
五岁遭到不平等待遇：哥睡冷器房我没有，哥晚上可以看电视我不可以。。。还有很多很多
八岁还会在班上撒尿，这件事到我小学毕业都有人翻出来当笑柄。
九岁时带"playboy"去学校被老师抓到去见校长，第一次尝到巴掌的辣
十岁时常去校长室因为不交功课。
十二岁我遭到了性骚扰——长达四年被人抚摸胸部。
十三岁被同学群体杯葛，因为我很拽。
十四岁离家出走一星期，最后是妈说要报警我才回家。
十五岁交男朋友，初吻也同时给了。
十六岁搞自闭，同时发现我有两个同父异母的弟弟。
十七岁被人强奸，第一次很痛，避孕药一点都不好吃。
十八岁发誓要让自己活得有意义！！