....

i think my life is getting better.
haha, for 2 week the problem keep on come to me,
let me breathless. but now i learn to take it easy.
because the question had no answer,
so why am i so desperate to find the answer?
juz let it be, the answer will appear in the right time.
i jzu need to be passion and wait.
now i wonder how r u?
the car incident is really bad, hope that u r fine.
worried....
sometime when i thinking of u i wonder did u ever think of me even for a second?
for 1 week since that day u told me u had a car incident u never contact me.
not even a message.
should i keep waiting for u?
i keep asking myself this same question.
im juz afraid that for the time i have spend on u,
will not have a good answer.
but now i decided,
WAIT.
wait n see.
i should believe myself,
i should believe love.
i hope that wad i had done, will never regret me.
hope that u didn't betray me,
hope that u didn't forget bout me.
i would do wad u told me to do,
wait as i love u.

i juz join dance club at my school.
is cool. i learn hip-hop, cheersleading and jazz.
haha, i try to find thing to fill up my time,
so that i won't keep thinking of u.
and i had take the advise from my councellor,
i join the will group and get 1 facilitator to help me catch up my study.
i would put effort this semester to reach my target.
last semester result is really dissapointed me.

whoa, now still got the NSQ event need to worried bout.
is a stress for me. i really not a good leader.
i don't even know wad to do. i'm a passive person,
everything need to wait people to inform me than only i start to do.
haiz, afraid that i would bring down the organization this year...
there is only 30++ people join the camp....
and our target is 400!!!
now is already september.
i really worried alot.......
duno wad to do....

emo..

today i receive ur message when having class....
this is the 1st message u send me since last week u said u need sometime to clear things up....
but y i feel u act like nothing had happen between us??
u never explain y u wan to be alone suddenly for 1 week,
u never told me wad is the thing u wan to clear up,
u never told me y u doesn't feel like talk to anyone for 1 week?
wad happen??
wad is goin on?
i have been miss u for 1 week.
i juz dun understand,
y everything i do, make me think bout u.
my heart keep missing u.
i can't get u out of my mind.
but y am i gettin so emo when u sms me?
i should be happy, gracefull that u not forgettin me.
but y?
y im so emo?? feel hard to breath....
wana cry,
but there has no tears coming out..
wad im concern bout?
afraid to be hurt by u again??
afraid u will do the samething to me again?
maybe...
i doesn't spoke to mom for 2 month,
i really lost my way....
my result r damn rubbish....
my life is all messup
i can't concentrate on my study...
i can't do anything properly...

Finally

Finally, u reply my message.
i wait for this message for so long.
is just 4 days, but for me it is too long to wait the time past.
i think if i attend for the cryin competition sure i can get champion.
i have cry 4 times today.
cryin like a kid....
when i see ur message, my tears juz come out like a water tank....
im such a baby....
y i wan to make myself suffer?
stupid......
should i believe in love???
should i believe ur word toward me???
feel so hard to breath,
heart beat so fast
im scared.
i afraid of being hurt again,
afraid of being alone.
thats why i became so desperate when i can't reach u on phone.
that's why i panic,
duno what to do...
u told me tha tu didn't intend to hurt me
but y i been hurt so deeply??
should i again believe ur promise??
u told me not to lose faith in love,
but told me,
wad had u give me to let me believe in love??
i love u, so i should wait for u???
how long should i wait???
did u love me??
did u ever think of me??
did u care for me??
u need sometime to clear ur mind,
n now i know,
i need sometime to get u off my life!!!
i had enough for all this!!
u never think or care bout me!!
if i really love u then just wait for u???
than wad is the answer of after being waiting??
how could u love me if u doesn't even care for me??
u juz care for urself!!! selfishness!!!!!

Feeling bad....

Feeling really bad!!! Is been 3 day you never pick up my call or reply my sms. im so worried!! keep on asking myself what i worried about? you are not my boyfriend, we are just friend.
but when i lay on my bed the flashback start to begin. what we had been trough together, i start to realize that i had taken u as my boyfriend in my heart. that's why i so worried about u.
i had missed classes for 2 days, wake up early in the morning like losing something in my life, keep look at my phone afraid that i had missed ur call or sms, but is all dissapointed.
Cry everyday in the middle night, thinking why suddenly all thing had change, thingking isit i had been cheated,.
i had regret now, that time when u told me to keep ur clothes i reject. i should take it!! stupid!! now in my hand had nothing to do with our memory. i do listen to u, i never hurt myself this time, but is really suffer, u know when ur heart beat so fast everyday, people will die fast....
i told myself to let go, but i just can't!! i duno what am i holding on with u, but i just can't control to miss u. Damn it!! i hate myself!!!!i hate what im doing now. everyday is meaningless for me now.... @#%@$#! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, HELP ME!!!
i just can't take it anymore!! it's too much for me!!d i can't hate u, i can't do it. the love is too much. i never realise the love i give to u is so much. but please, i just hope u answer my call or reply my sms, let me know what is goin on. don't just left without a word. it make me crazy.......
this few day always sleep at 3am, i just can't sleep.
frend ask me to hang out i reject, i don't want to hang out, just want to stay home, watching my phone, hoping it will ring. how stupid am i??!
they told me im a pretty girl, there still a lot of guy wanted to take care of me, why should i keep thinking of you? i duno, i just can't help to thinking of u. i hate the feeling.
why? why u want to make me feel this bad? what had happen to u?? u would never leave me like that, u said u will always be by myside when i need u. but where r u now??

选择

付出真心，才会得到真心却也可能伤得彻底。
保持距离，就能保护自己却也注定永远寂寞。

现在，我彻底的了解这句话的意识了。
我曾因付出真心而被伤得彻底，
现在为了保护自己而注定寂寞。
但这句话应该调整成：

付出真心，不一定会得到真心却也能伤得彻底。
保持距离，不一定能保护自己却也能注定寂寞。

当你付出真心，别人却保护自己、诸多猜测；
当你保持距离，别人却加以重伤、一派胡言。

到底应该怎么做才会是最好的方法呢？
到底应该怎么做才能得到真心却不受伤呢？
到底应该怎么做可以保护自己又不寂寞呢？

世上没有两全其美的事，
所以我们必须做出选择。

我还在彷徨，
我，应该怎么选呢？

谢谢

我在此非常感谢在我最需要帮助的时候
曾经给与我支持、关怀与鼓励的朋友。
真的非常感谢你们。
要不是你们在我身旁陪伴我，
也许我早已不在人世了。。。

我只是一个笨蛋

事情再一次发生的时候，
我知道我不能再逃避，是时候面对问题了。
但该如何面对？我真的毫无头绪。
恐惧、慌张、失措、接着而来，让我喘不过气。。不知如何是好。。

不想再一个人独自面对这种痛苦，
不想再一个人独自承担这个包袱，
所以我选择告诉你们——朋友。

我想身为朋友的你们在这种时候会给与安慰、支持、鼓励、尊重与体谅
而不是责备、不谅解与怀疑
也许是我太天真了，
或是你们太复杂了。
难道我做错了什么吗？
当我一心一意想得到你们支持的时候，
你们却抱着怀疑的心态。
这就如在我的伤口上洒上一把盐，
几乎让我崩溃了。。。

当我经历着人生中最可怕的事情的时候，
你们却不给与信任，还加以伤害！！
那双重的打击啊，谁人能明白？？
说我心里有问题吗？为了得到别人的关注而偏谎言吗？
最心痛、最伤心的不是那件事的发生，
而是朋友在最需要帮助的时候却给与她不信任与冷言冷语。

是我太迟钝了吗？
我们的友谊何时开始变质了呢？
我们何时开始互相猜疑了呢？
当你不信任我的时候
那，友谊又算什么呢？